All cards on the table

Have you ever felt so alone that your body ached? Lately I have been struggling with a tearing and painful loneliness. Remember the feeling of having someone break up with you? Remember when you knew it was over and that that person just did not care what happened to you or how you felt about anything anymore, and you still had so much love to give? They were just moving on with their life… It’s the kind of loneliness that just crushes your insides.

I have been on a journey for a few years to find out how does comfort come from God. What form does it take? Does He comfort with a kind of comfort that you can feel? Is it just something you are supposed to believe in faith and just know? What does it feel like to have the creator of the universe comfort you? I am tired of the clichés and religious sayings. I don’t like the whole Job’s friend’s scenario either. I can say that my head knows that God loves me and wants to comfort me. It just doesn’t happen. What am I doing wrong? If I was the only human left on the planet, God is supposed be enough for me. Right?

I want to feel His touch. David says in Psalms that “as a deer pants for the water, so my soul pants for God”. I am longing for His spirit to connect with me here in Uganda. David was around thousands of people, but felt alone very often in his life. He also said “better is one day in His courts, than thousands elsewhere.”

“Dear God, take me into your courts. I love you. I need you. Help me. Reach me. Show me your compassion and love. Meet me here in Uganda. Thank you for this trial. I know you will teach me perseverance. Just be there between now and perseverance. Help me let go and trust you. Show me that you are all I need. Amen