Torn

Back in Rwanda! Wow.

Ok. It has been a long, long time since I have written in my blog. Is it possible that my life in the USA is too busy to take 30 minutes to write a couple of paragraphs and post a few photos? Believe me, I have thought about many blog entries…but they all stayed in my head. My friend Burt keeps asking me to write...so here I go!

Here I am again Lord. You have me on an incredible adventure. Here I am, send me.

Many of you know I came to Rwanda on short notice, to help the Rwandan staff prepare for the teams coming in June, July, and August…from the USA, and from the UK in September.

Coming back to Rwanda alone is a mix of emotions. First of all, my best friend is back home. She is wonderful. She is a strong woman. I miss her badly. She completes me. So I feel sad.

Secondly, my children…who are also not with me. Outside of God and Melody, they are my life…and we have been separated. They are sad, but they are also glad that I am here, for they know firsthand what happens in Rwanda, and each of them have told me they wish they could have come with me.

I thought I would let you in on some of my last couple of days, via random quotes I have heard over the last 3 days…remember, life is about relationships…

“Yes Mr. Ben, I am sure that your luggage has arrived from Nairobi, you can pick it up today!” – Kigali Airport employee

“Read a book or something and get a real job.” My new friend Rex in an email to me.

“I am not sure if I want to grow up if this is how it goes” - Amber Pahlow during an internet chat with me about how we humans hurt each other.

“Daddy, they played Butterfly Kisses and you weren’t there! I made up a dance where we would spin around and then Jake would throw me up in the air.” – Hope Pahlow during a SKYPE conversation with me today…referring to the DADDY DAUGHTER DANCE that we had been planning on for months…my close friend Jake took my place.

“What exactly is a missionary supposed to look like anyway!??” – My friend Travis Withrow during a conversation about how many in the African church have had a form of legalistic Christianity shoved down their throat for decades, and are now themselves having to overcome judgmental attitudes toward modern missionaries.

“So…dad…how was your day? I am feeling like every day is like 1 week without you here.” – Nathan Pahlow during a yahoo messenger conversation. The older he gets, the more thoughtful he is becoming.

“100 francs, 100 francs, please Muzungu, just 100 francs!” – street boy that came up to my window in Kigali.

“It will take much time for the rice, maybe 1 hour, would you like chips (fries) instead?” – waiter at lunch at Chez Lando restaurant

“Yes sir, that SOLIO will charge a Noikia cell phone in the BUSH!” – Store clerk in the Fly and Buy at the airport in Amsterdam.

“Just wanted to let you know that I had to take Mike to Edwards Hospital after you talked to him… his fever was spiking again and it just seemed like something was wrong. Turns out he has pneumonia… Love you tons.” – my lovely wife in an email to me.

“Went shopping with Jessica today and got NOTHIN!! How strange is that?? Stuff is sooo expensive... I think mum and I are gonna go running again tonight!! YAY! Also, Jaimie will be here tonight, thank GOD. I miss her SOO much! Especially with YOU gone too... *forlorn!!* You makest me to smile!!” – Amber Pahlow in an email to me.

“Thanks for what you are doing in Rwanda, and for allowing me to play some small part in fulfilling the vision and mission that God has given you to revolutionize the lives of an entire people group. You are loved and appreciated. Be Great.” – My friend and GFR sponsor, David S.

“I tried to catch you before you left for Rwanda. I wanted to tell you I will be praying for you. So...I will send my prayers into cyberspace....maybe they will get to God faster. Dear God, Speak to Ben.....as he will be traveling alone......help him to take advantage of the solitude and listen to you.....open the eyes of his heart....so that your Holy Spirit will whisper in his ear when he needs comfort and needs to feel Your love. I love Ben so much........I can't even imagine how much you love Him.” – My great friend Ruth G. in an email to me.

“Holy crap that p00ns that's so cool I love u and I am home sick with a 103 temp. I heart you. Your son Mike” – my son Mike in an email to me, umm, does anyone know what a pOON is?